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Creative Commons License
This work by Chumworth is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
September 25, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 2:50 pm UTC

ABC News next week will begin providing a simultaneous Spanish-language version of its nightly “World News Tonight” newscast. 

Nobody's more excited about this than Peter Jennings, since the Spanish version will be read by Christina Aguilera  – while she's sitting on his lap.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 24, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 1:17 pm UTC

Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host six segments on American culture for a British television network, her publicist said Sunday.

Her publicist also revealed the subjects that Monica will be reporting on: McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, and KFC.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 24, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 12:41 pm UTC

President Clinton and his wife are looking for a New York City condominium for after the president leaves office in January 2001, the New York Post reported Sunday. 

The president has already scheduled some fund-raisers for his bid to be elected to the board of trustees of the condominium association. 

The Clintons' primary consideration is proximity to Central Park.

Originally, the president wanted something close to Times Square until he heard that the city had chased away all of the prostitutes.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 24, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 5:36 am UTC

Vice President Al Gore's presidential campaign has suspended a junior staff member after he discussed with a friend the existence of a “mole” within the campaign of Gore's GOP rival, Texas Gov. George W. Bush. 

It turns out the “mole” is Texas Senator Phil Gramm; it's a common mistake.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 23, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 11:18 am UTC

Former football great and celebrity crime suspect O.J. Simpson has bought a five-bedroom, four-bath home in the Miami the Miami Herald reported on Saturday.

Although the price was not disclosed, Simpson probably got a pretty good deal due to his unusual negotiation tactics – threatening the sellers with a large knife.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 21, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 3:40 pm UTC

In response to a proposal by Vice President Al Gore, Republican presidential candidate George W. Bush said on Thursday that tapping into the nation's strategic oil reserve would be “bad public policy”.

This is the first time that George W. has been against tapping anything.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 20, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 9:39 am UTC

Hoping to illustrate its diverse enrollment, the University of Wisconsin at Madison says it doctored a photo on a brochure cover by inserting a black student in a crowd of white football fans. 

They might have gotten away with it if they hadn't have chosen to use a black football player, in full uniform.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 20, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 2:33 am UTC

Flamboyant rock star Elton John endorsed Vice President Al Gore at a ritzy Silicon Valley fund-raiser.

He rescinded the endorsement when Gore wouldn't let him seal it with a kiss.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 19, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 3:25 pm UTC

Republican presidential candidate George W. Bush appeared on Tuesday's edition of “Oprah,” and opened the hour-long interview by embracing a surprised Winfrey and planting a kiss firmly on her cheek.

Sounds like he took his campaign manager's suggestion to “kiss her ass” a little too seriously.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 18, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 10:05 pm UTC

Restarting his campaign, Reform Party presidential contender Pat Buchanan told a Bob Jones University crowd Monday that the United States should kick the United Nations headquarters out of the country.

In case this isn't enough to convince people that's he's finally lost it, Buchanan went on to say that, if elected, he would move to Germany.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 18, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 9:33 am UTC

With 4,300 bus and rail operators on strike, today promised to bring particularly congested highways as 500,000 mass transit passengers in Los Angeles sought alternate forms of transportation. 

The congestion has gotten so bad that even the carjackers are carpooling.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 18, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 9:19 am UTC

Presidential candidate Al Gore's campaign staff admitted that the Vice President was incorrect when he claimed to a group of Florida seniors last month that his mother-in-law pays nearly three times as much for the same arthritis medicine used for his ailing dog, Shiloh. 

Turns out that his mother-in-law uses the same heartworm medication as Shiloh.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 13, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 3:21 pm UTC

Toymaker Mattel, which in the spring released a doll featuring Oscar-winning actress Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra, will issue another Taylor doll on Friday. 

Mattel is already planning yet another Elizabeth Taylor doll, which will depict a more “mature” Taylor; it'll be based on the old “Cabbage Patch” doll template.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 12, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 8:38 am UTC

NBC has agreed to pay Mark Burnett, the creator of “Survivor,” nearly $40 million for the rights to “Destination Mir,” a reality series that would launch an everyday American into space for a rendezvous with the Russian space station Mir.

After polling a sample of Americans on whom they'd most like to see shot into space, the producers have already picked a winner – Richard Hatch.

The series would follow a group of would-be cosmonauts from space camp to launch pad over 13 to 15 episodes, culminating with a dramatic live broadcast in which a winner is picked and sent into space. 

Given the condition of “Mir” these days, they'd better pick somebody who's handy with a wrench.

Traveling on “Mir” is still probably safer than what the runner-up will get to do – take a ride on a Russian nuclear submarine.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 11, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 3:36 pm UTC

An American astronaut and a Russian cosmonaut drifted out of space shuttle Atlantis early Monday, making a successful climb up the international space station to lay some cable.

They're expected to make another spacewalk tomorrow to hook up HBO and Cinemax.

The seven astronauts and cosmonauts aboard Atlantis will enter the space station Tuesday to haul in thousands of pounds of supplies for the first residents, due in November.

The cash-strapped Russian space program announced on Monday that their portion of future resupply missions will be handled by internet delivery service Kozmo.com.

The Russian supply crews will now be referred to as “Kozmonauts”.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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September 11, 2000.
  Web Posted at: 1:31 pm UTC

After losing his job for assaulting a student last week, Bob Knight turned peacemaker, quieting a crowd of Indiana University students demonstrating in support of the school's fired basketball coach. 

The students calmed down pretty quickly when they found out that Knight would remain a coach at Indiana – of the men's ice hockey team.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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