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Creative Commons License
This work by Chumworth is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
May 30, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:41 pm UTC

Police in Austin, Texas said that President Bush's 19-year-old daughter Jenna tried to purchase alcohol with a valid identification that was not hers on Tuesday night.

I think she might've gotten away with it if she hadn't used Dick Cheney's id.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 30, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 1:44 pm UTC

A 62-year-old woman has given birth to a healthy boy in southeastern France, becoming one of the oldest new mothers in the world, the Associated Press has reported. 

Well, that's one way to save on day care costs – don't have children until you're retired.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 30, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 6:17 am UTC

'N Sync, Faith Hill and Britney Spears will be among the artists reading prayers by Pope John Paul II on a spoken-word CD coming out in North America during the Christmas season. 

I guess Eminem was unavailable.

The CD serves as a companion piece to “The Private Prayer Books of Pope John Paul II,” a seven-volume collection of his personal writings. In addition, a video/DVD on the making of the CD project will be released. 

In a further attempt to win over the younger audience, the Pope, 'N Sync and Britney Spears will be contestants on the next season of VH1's “Bands on the Run.”

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 29, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 9:25 pm UTC

Comedian Bob Hope celebrated his 98th birthday Tuesday. 

Hope shared his secret for longevity: don't marry Robert Blake.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 29, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 4:19 am UTC

The World War II epic “Pearl Harbor” debuted in first place at the box office over the Memorial Day weekend with $75.1 million in ticket sales, according to studio estimates Monday. 

President George W. Bush gave the film his stamp of approval, calling it “the best Korean War film I've ever seen.”

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 28, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 8:38 am UTC

Prince, the singer who once provoked shock waves with his X-rated lyrics, said in the May edition of Gotham magazine that he is now a Jehovah's Witness and, as such, has sworn off cursing.

Too bad he didn't become a Quaker; then he'd swear off of singing, too.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 23, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 9:26 pm UTC

Bob Dylan, who gave voice to the youth revolt of the 1960s and revolutionized rock 'n' roll in the process, turned 60 on Thursday.

Here's a question: how are we going to know when Bob goes senile? Nobody's been able to understand him for 40 years now already.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 23, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:15 am UTC

Actor Whitman Mayo, who gained fame as the affable character Grady Wilson on “Sanford and Son,” died Tuesday in Atlanta.

Is it just me, or do Fred Sanford and Grady Wilson remind you of another famous duo? Let's see, Fred was an old guy who was always having fake heart attacks and Grady was his dim-witted buddy who didn't ever seem to do much other than mumble incoherent things like “Good goobily goop!” How about Dick Cheney and George W. Bush?

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 22, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 1:42 pm UTC

The NFL unanimously approved realignment for 2002 on Tuesday, creating eight four-team divisions and shifting Seattle from the AFC to the NFC.

Great! Now we can finally have that long awaited Seahawks-Bengals Super Bowl!

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 22, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 8:33 am UTC

“Inside Edition” anchor Deborah Norville has recorded her first song, a dance tune called “Movin' On.”

She actually wrote the song a number of years ago, right after she was fired from the “Today” show; it was originally called “Thank God I Don't Have to Work With Bryant Gumbel Anymore!”

“My family has heard it, and my 3-year-old can sing it,” Norville told The Associated Press. 

Too bad for us her 3-year-old didn't sing on the record instead of her.

Norville said it's the sign of a good song when “it sticks with you when you turn off the CD player.”

Well, the “Mentos” jingle sticks in my head, too, but I wouldn't call that a good song.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 22, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:15 am UTC

The National Enquirer has agreed to give police tape recordings of phone conversations made by Robert Blake's ex-wife Bonny Lee Bakley which suggest that Blake pressured her into getting an abortion. Blake's lawyer, Harland Braun said suggested that Blake himself may also have taped some of their conversations.

Yeah, I'd say that you know a relationship is going well when both sides start taping their phone conversations.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 21, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:27 pm UTC

Bridgestone/Firestone issued a statement Monday saying it no longer had trust in its relationship with Ford Motor Co., which pressed for a tire recall last year after more than 100 deaths which were linked to the tire failures.

Firestone doesn't have trust in Ford? Isn't that kind of like Bill Clinton saying he doesn't have trust in Hillary?

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 18, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 9:04 am UTC

Sony-based Revolution Studios is planning to turn the 1960s sitcom “Hogan's Heroes” into a feature film.

The film is being co-produced by the WWF and is going to be named “Hulk Hogan's Heroes”.

Variety reports that Revolution hopes to cast a major star as Hogan.

I don't know about Hogan, but I can think of somebody pretty major to play Sgt. Schultz; somebody who's chubby and knows how to say “I know nothing!” – Bill Clinton!

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 17, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 2:24 pm UTC

The manager for model Niki Taylor reported on Thursday that Taylor has been taken off a respirator, nearly three weeks after a car accident left her in critical condition, and even spoke her first word since the crash: “Coke”.

Geeez, that crash must've been worse than we all thought. She thinks she's Robert Downey Jr.!

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 17, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 12:55 pm UTC

President Bush unveiled a national energy strategy Thursday calling for new oil and gas exploration — including some on federal lands that many in Congress believe should be off-limits. 

Well, you can see why people like Senator Ted Kennedy would be concerned about gas exploration on federal property – he looks like he's filled with more gas than a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.

Bush said he was “deeply concerned about the impact of rolling blackouts in California.”

His concern was lessened when he learned that “Sesame Street” was filmed in New York, not California.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 17, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 8:15 am UTC

The World Wrestling Federation has co-produced a new reality television program, “WWF Tough Enough,” a show in which 13 would-be wrestling superstars fight it out in a Stamford, CT home for 13 weeks for the right to be signed on to wrestle for the WWF.

Now I've heard of everything; a reality television show produced by the WWF.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 16, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 8:52 pm UTC

Robert Blake's attorney Harland Braun said on Tuesday that he found actor Gary Busey's name on a list of people that Blake's murdered wife — who he has called a career grifter who preyed on famous men — was going to pursue.

It seems to me that if you're going to swindle celebrities, you might want to choose at least one or two that have actually earned some money in the last ten or twenty years. Who else was on her list? Don Knotts?

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 16, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:14 am UTC

A runaway freight train carrying thousands of gallons of hazardous material barreled through 66 miles of northwestern Ohio with no one aboard Tuesday, until a railroad worker was able to jump aboard and pull its brake.

Well, so much for the Bush Administration's “revolutionary” new plan for disposing of toxic nuclear waste.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 15, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 2:28 am UTC

A palace official confirmed on Tuesday that Crown Princess Masako was pregnant after nearly eight years of marriage to the heir to Japan's ancient throne, Crown Prince Naruhito. 

Eight years? Sounds like Prince Naruhito might have something in common with New York Mayor Rudolph Guiliani.

The confirmation comes a month after officials said Masako was “showing signs” of pregnancy. 

Palace officials became suspicious after the Princess kept requesting late night snacks of sushi and pickles.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 14, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 5:01 pm UTC

A study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine on Tuesday shows that Oscar winners live nearly four years longer than either actors who were never nominated or those who were nominated and did not win.

Yet another good reason not to give another Oscar to Tom Hanks or Julia Roberts.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 14, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 6:48 am UTC

Suzanne Somers, who played the ditzy Chrissy Snow on the sitcom “Three's Company,” said in Sunday's Parade Magazine that she doesn't regret giving up her acting career.

Unfortunately for us, she doesn't have regrets about having an acting career in the first place, either.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 13, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 3:12 pm UTC

Famous crooner Perry Como died Saturday at the age of 88 at his home in Jupiter Inlet Colony, Fla.

When told of the news, George W. Bush expressed his regrets by praising Como as, “one of the finest Governors New York ever had.”

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 11, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 9:04 am UTC

In a statement Thursday, Michael Jackson denied rumors that he has plans to sell the rights he owns to the catalog of Beatles' songs.

Think this has anything to do with the fact that The Beatles are currently enjoying a resurgence in popularity among young boys?

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 10, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:04 pm UTC

The Culver City Police Department announced on Thursday that a urine test revealed that actor Robert Downey Jr. had traces of cocaine in his system when he was arrested last month.

Did they really need to do a urine test to figure that out? I'd think that his body would pretty much be excreting cocaine through the skin at this point.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 10, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 12:46 pm UTC

Rap mogul Sean “Puffy” Combs, who was acquitted in March of weapons charges, is in final negotiations to play a convicted murderer in the film “Monster's Ball,” a source close to Combs said Thursday. 

Combs' lawyer, Johnnie Cochran, is trying to get the role negotiated down to lesser charges.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 10, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:19 am UTC

Ellen Fein, co-author of the new book “The Rules III: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work,” announced on ABC's “PrimeTime Thursday” that she is splitting up with her husband of 15 years.

I don't think this will hurt sales of the book at all. In fact, I'll bet there'll be plenty of men who are gonna run out and buy it for their wives ... mainly, guys having affairs.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 9, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 9:58 pm UTC

The London Sun has reported that Michael Jackson is selling off his greatest asset, The Beatles catalogue, to raise money to keep himself in the style he has become accustomed to.

Who can blame him? We all know the cost of living for freakish, reclusive pedophiles is pretty steep these days.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 9, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 5:59 pm UTC

“Survivor” executive producer Mark Burnett admitted this week that he sometimes reenacts scenes of his hit CBS show using body-doubles to get a more picturesque shot.

If that means that some of those shots of old man Rodger shirtless were actually done with a body-double, then I don't think I'd want to see the original footage.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 9, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 2:40 pm UTC

Paul McCartney defended the musical talents of his late wife Linda during a news conference on Wednesday, by saying that Michael Jackson requested she play keyboards on one of their collaborations and, “Michael Jackson isn't stupid.”

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there are better ways to prove a point than by relying on Michael Jackson's judgment.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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May 8, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:38 pm UTC

Actress Nicole Kidman filed papers in Santa Monica Superior Court on Monday asking for a restraining order against a man who said that he was “strongly attracted” to her and who says he is running for president in 2004.

Will somebody please explain to Bill Clinton that he can't run for president again?

-Chum    [link | comment]

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