Get Email Updates

By FeedBlitz

Add to Google
Subscribe in Bloglines
Search Me
November 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002
December 2001
November 2001
October 2001
September 2001
August 2001
July 2001
June 2001
May 2001
April 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000
November 2000
October 2000
September 2000
August 2000
July 2000
June 2000
May 2000
April 2000
March 2000
February 2000
January 2000
December 1999
November 1999
October 1999
September 1999
August 1999
July 1998

Creative Commons License
This work by Chumworth is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
September 30, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 3:38 pm UTC

Jennifer Lopez was married over the weekend in a ceremony attended by 170 people and presided over by her attorney.

Having her attorney on hand is probably a good idea, since I think we all remember what happened the last time she was in a large crowd with her boyfriend...

Lopez's manager was the best man and her best friend from childhood was maid of honor

What I want to know is, who drove the get-a-way car?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 30, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 10:17 am UTC

Erin Brockovich says the terrorist attacks in the United States have left her wary of flying. 

She should be wary. She'd never get her underwire bra through the increased airport security.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 27, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 2:04 pm UTC

President Bush on Thursday proposed putting the federal government in charge of airport security.

President Bush has decided that the job of overseeing airport security should go to the one government organization that strikes fear into the hearts of any person – the Internal Revenue Service.

Bush also proposed strengthening cockpit security. 

He's planning to contact former Vice President Al Gore to see if he would be willing to apply his “lockbox” technology to cockpit doors.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 24, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 11:23 am UTC

Prince Harry has been voted one of Britain's 50 sexiest men in a poll conducted by Smash Hits magazine.

How hard is it to be on this list? I don't think there are 50 people in that country with a full set of clean teeth.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 24, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 8:55 am UTC

Britain's Prince William began school as a student at Scotland's ancient St. Andrews University on Monday.

Does he really need to go to college? Doesn't he already have a guaranteed, life-time job?

He will be majoring in the history of art.

Ahh, now I understand why he's going to college: to meet chicks!

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 24, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:41 am UTC

Singer Elton John said in a recent interview with Britain's Sun newspaper that he still fancied women but that it was unlikely he would ever sleep with one again.

Why is the Sun printing details about Elton John's sex life? Haven't we all suffered enough in the last two weeks?

John  said he found actresses Nicole Kidman, Elizabeth Hurley and Julia Roberts attractive.

If those are the women he'd be trying to hit on, then I could pretty much guarantee that he'll never sleep with a woman again, too.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 24, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 3:05 am UTC

Boxing promoter Don King visited the scene of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center on Friday, wearing a denim jacket covered with spangles and emblazoned with his own likeness on the back

You know we're starting to get back to normal now that Don King is trying to exploit the situation.

Former heavyweight boxing champion Joe Frazier also toured the Trade Center site Friday to encourage rescue workers.

Let's see, two weeks ago, the President of the United States was visiting the site; now, it's Don King and Joe Frazier. I'm sorry, but if I were one of those rescue workers, I'd find that more depressing than encouraging.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 23, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 4:34 pm UTC

Newly crowned Miss America Katie Harman has announced that, in the wake of the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington, she will expand her platform to raise the country's spirits during a time of grief, uncertainty and war.

She's even planning to hold a peace summit with Miss Afganistan.

Security at Saturday's Miss America pageant was particularly tight after last week's attacks, including subjecting people to hand-held metal detectors. 

It's a good thing that they weren't using silicone detectors or there wouldn't have been enough contestants to hold the pageant.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 21, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 5:43 am UTC

Pop star Mariah Carey, who was hospitalized for a mental and physical breakdown in July and suffered a relapse in September, is scheduled to perform on a multi-network broadcast telethon this Friday for victims of last week's terrorist attacks

Just in case she has any trouble, the show producers have already arranged to have Rudolph Giuliani nearby at all times.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 19, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 10:39 am UTC

Singer Elton John said in a recent interview with the German magazine Amica that he “wouldn't want to be heterosexual for all the money in the world.”

Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Is there some woman out there who's actually made that offer?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 18, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 1:52 pm UTC

Former NBA star Dennis Rodman has been charged with three misdemeanors for allegedly speeding through Newport Harbor in his 47-foot boat, Sexual Chocolate, in August.

Forget the Office of Homeland Security; President Bush should create an Office of Controlling Dennis Rodman.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 17, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 9:02 pm UTC

Baseball was awash in red, white and blue and patriotic songs Monday night when games resumed for the first time since the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington.

I was particularly moved when, in another show of unity, all the players simultaneously scratched themselves.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 16, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 2:36 pm UTC

Bob Dylan said in a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times that he cares so little for modern music that if he were growing up today he would probably be a mathematician instead.

He'd be a perfect mathematician; nobody can understand him now as it is.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 15, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 7:13 pm UTC

Dolly Parton is building a $10 million addition to her Dollywood theme park which will be based on her adventures and imagination as a youth in East Tennessee.

I guess this is something that she really just needs to “get off her chest,” and since Dollywood was already “busting at the seams” she felt it was time for some “enlargement.”

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 14, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 8:37 am UTC

Country singer George Jones told the Associated Press recently that he's recently quit drinking, smoking and even drinking coffee.

Nice! Now if we could just get him to drop his other annoying habits, like singing…

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 12, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 6:09 pm UTC

Organizers of the Emmy Awards announced Tuesday that the show, which was to have been broadcast this Sunday, has been postponed due to the recent terrorist attacks “out of respect for the victims, their families and all fellow citizens.”

If they have so much respect for American citizens, why do they EVER broadcast this show?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 12, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 3:55 pm UTC

Comic Paula Poundstone pleaded no contest to child endangerment on Wednesday after prosecutors dropped charges against her in a plea deal expected to spare her prison time.

She said while she did play some games with the kids, they weren't technically contests.

Poundstone will also be required to submit to psychiatric counseling once a week for a year.

After seeing her act, I think they should sentence her to submit to comedic counseling.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 11, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 6:35 am UTC

Elizabeth Taylor is writing a book about her private jewelry collection called, “Elizabeth Taylor: My Love Affair With Jewelry, ” which will be published in 2002.

Good lord. If she has a love affair with jewelry, what would she call her affair with food?

Taylor's jewelry has been appraised by Sotheby's and Christie's auction houses as one of the finest private collections in the world.

That's not surprising since we know she already owns one of the largest private collections of engagement rings in the world.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 9, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 4:34 pm UTC

President George W. Bush helped to kick off the opening day of the NFL season on Sunday by tossing the coin for the 10 early games via satellite from the Rose Garden.

Just to demonstrate how poorly the economy is doing these days, Bush had to dip into the Social Security surplus for the coin.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 8, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 12:43 am UTC

Scores of stars and thousands of fans attended a concert at Madison Square Garden Friday night to honor Michael Jackson and celebrate the 30th anniversary of his solo career.

The concert is going to be broadcast this week on “Ripley's Believe It or Not!”

The show took a bizarre turn when Marlon Brando appeared onstage sitting on a couch and rambled for a couple minutes about child abuse, starvation and disease. 

It really must be humiliating to be called the “bizarre” one during any event involving Michael Jackson.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 7, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 1:21 pm UTC

The Detroit News reported Friday that that FBI scientists had used new DNA technology to match a hair from Jimmy Hoffa with one found in a car driven on the day the labor leader was last seen in 1975.

I know one person who won't be too happy to hear that you can identify somebody based on 25 year-old DNA from the back of a car – Bill Clinton.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 7, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 9:16 am UTC

Faced with an overflowing building and an overflowing schedule, Lowell High School in Massachusetts has started requiring that some students have their lunch break as early as 9:30 in the morning.

Lunch at 9:30 in the morning? Boy, that's early. Just to show you how early it is, George W. Bush is still watching “Sesame Street” at that hour.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 7, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 4:36 am UTC

The Washington Post reported Friday that Gary Condit has told fellow Democratic colleagues that he is leaning toward retiring from Congress at the end of his current term.

If he does decided to retire, Condit is hopeful that he'll get keep a few mementos from his years in Washinton ... like a couple of hot interns.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 5, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 2:42 am UTC

Mariah Carey, still recovering from her emotional breakdown, has postponed a Sept. 12 interview with ABC News' Barbara Walters because she “needs more time to rest,” a spokeswoman said on Tuesday.

What better time to catch some Z's than during a Barbara Walters interview? That always puts me right to sleep.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 5, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 12:00 am UTC

Former Attorney General Janet Reno announced Tuesday that she is running for governor of Florida.

I think she's got a good shot at winning this election; after all, she's pretty accomplished at one of Florida's top sports – alligator wrestling.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 4, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 4:07 am UTC

“Titanic” star Kate Winslet and husband Jim Threapleton are separating after three years of marriage, the actress' spokesman said on Monday. 

Rumor has it they were having trouble in the sack. Every time they went on a cruise she wanted to do it in one of the lifeboats.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
September 3, 2001.
  Web Posted at: 1:02 am UTC

Actress Anne Heche married Coleman Laffoon , a cameraman she met while working on a documentary about her ex-girlfriend Ellen DeGeneres, on Saturday, Heche's  publicist said. 

This is really just the classic “boy-meets-girl, boy-films-documentary-about-girl's-lesbian-lover, girl-splits-with-girlfriend, girl-has-nervous-breakdown, girl-marries-boy” story we've all seen a million times before.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
Follow chumworth on Twitter