Get Email Updates

By FeedBlitz

Add to Google
Subscribe in Bloglines
Search Me
November 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002
December 2001
November 2001
October 2001
September 2001
August 2001
July 2001
June 2001
May 2001
April 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000
November 2000
October 2000
September 2000
August 2000
July 2000
June 2000
May 2000
April 2000
March 2000
February 2000
January 2000
December 1999
November 1999
October 1999
September 1999
August 1999
July 1998

Creative Commons License
This work by Chumworth is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
January 31, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 11:54 pm UTC

Former “Baywatch” starPamela Anderson said on Thursday she would like to retire from acting withintwo years and become a stripper.

Let's see. She takes herclothes off in front of an audience for money now. Doesn't that make hera stripper already?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 31, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 9:39 pm UTC

Heavyweight boxing championLennox Lewis said he won't fight Mike Tyson unless Tyson seeks psychologicalhelp first, to ensure their proposed match doesn't turn “savage.”

Heaven forbid a boxing matchshould turn “savage.”

Last week, a melee brokeout between the two fighters at a news conference meant to promote theirscheduled April 6 fight, during which Tyson bit Lewis on the leg.

It could've been worse; Tysoncould've locked onto his leg with something else...

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 30, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 8:24 pm UTC

Pop star Michael Jacksonwould like an annual holiday to celebrate children.

I thought he already hada holiday to celebrate them? Valentine's Day.

In the Vibe interview,he said he unwinds by holding water-balloon fights involving slings andcannons in a fort on his property.

What, exactly, does Michaelneed to unwind from? Being weird?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 30, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 1:15 pm UTC

A defunct 3.5-ton satellitecould tumble from the sky in an uncontrolled descent and scatter debrisover a swath of the planet on Wednesday night or Thursday morning, NASAwarned. 

Who knew K-Mart had its ownsatellite?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 29, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 2:15 pm UTC

The mayor of Inglis, Floridahas issued an official proclamation declaring that Satan “is not now, norever again will be, a part of this town.”

I guess that's one Floridatown that won't be voting for Janet Reno for governor.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 29, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 1:27 pm UTC

Noelle Bush, the daughterof Florida Gov. Jeb Bush was arrested early Tuesday after she allegedlytried to fill a false prescription at a pharmacy. Police said she was attemptingto obtain Xanax, an anti-anxiety drug which can make users feel drowsyand dizzy. 

She should've just used thesame over-the-counter item her Uncle George uses to feel drowsy and dizzy- pretzels.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 28, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 9:54 pm UTC

The Justice Departmentannounced on Monday that it has spent $8,000 for curtains to conceal twostatues of semi-nude women in the building's Great Hall. 

And here we all thought wewere done with female-related cover-ups once Bill Clinton left office.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 28, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 6:39 pm UTC

Toby Hocking, a straight-Ahigh school senior in California, got to take former Playboy Playmate PetraVerkiak to his winter formal, after she read his college entrance essayabout making the most of his high school years.

I'm not sure what's moreamazing, that a former Playboy Playmate went to a high school dance withsome nerd, or that a former Playboy Playmate could actually read.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 28, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 12:33 pm UTC

A new version of the Bibleis being published which will use “gender-neutral” wording.

For example, instead of referringto God as a “he,” the new version will now refer to God as “Michael Jackson.”

The new version was announcedon Monday by the International Bible Society.

The International Bible Society?The IBS? I thought they were the organization sanctioning the Mike Tyson-LennoxLewis fight.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 28, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 8:24 am UTC

The New England Patriotsupset the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC Championship game yesterday toadvance to Super Bowl XXXVI against the St. Louis Rams next Sunday in NewOrleans.

The Patriots have been pullingoff so many updates lately the government is considering sending them overto get Osama bin Laden.

President Bush might goto the Super Bowl.

Naturally, in light of recentevents, security will be pretty tight; no pretzel vendors will be allowedwithin 500 feet of him.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 25, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 5:28 am UTC

Doctors in Kansas believethat a pregnant woman there is carrying two sets of identical twin boys.

The doctors say this is quiterare. To give you a little perspective, it's more unlikely than a financialdocument making it out of Enron in one piece.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 24, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 6:05 pm UTC

Beginning in February,former G.E. Chairman and CEO Jack Welch will appear on CNBC's flagshipmorning market show “Squawk Box” once every quarter as a guest host

CNN is already planning tocounter this move by hiring former Enron Chairman Kenneth Lay 
to host a new show called”The Shredder.”

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 24, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 7:35 am UTC

Researchers at OxfordUniversity have discovered that the traditional cure for sleeplessness,counting sheep, is less likely to make one fall asleep than imaging a relaxingscene.

By that's still not as effectiveas the new “Bush Method” of falling asleep – choking on a pretzel.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 23, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 7:40 am UTC

In a move to cut costs,EMI has paid singer Mariah Carey $28 million to walk away from the biggestrecording contract of all time. 

Great! Now, if somebody wouldjust pay her to stop making movies, we'd be all set.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 23, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 1:21 am UTC

Pop star Janet Jacksonsaid on Tuesday she may retire from the road after her current tour endsnext month. 

It must be weird to be JanetJackson. I mean. for most performers, life on the road is where all thewacky stuff happens and the freaks hang out. For her, all the wacky stuffand freaks are at home.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 22, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 6:33 pm UTC

Veteran broadcast journalistConnie Chung is leaving ABC to join CNN. 

That should really boostCNN's ratings among middle aged white guys named “Maury”.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 22, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 12:28 pm UTC

Kmart Corp., the secondlargest discount retailer in the United States, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcyprotection Tuesday.

That's pretty ironic, seeingas how most of their customers are unemployed.

The Kmart executives triedshredding all of their financial documents like the Enron guys, but theirdiscount shredder broke down.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 21, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 8:33 pm UTC

Conservative radio talk-showhost Rush Limbaugh announced Monday that he is able to hear his show againfor the first time since he learned last year he was suffering from neartotal deafness. 

Unfortunately, the rest ofus have always been able to hear it.

Limbaugh had a cochlearimplant in his left ear, in which he had lost 100 percent hearing due toan auto-immune inner-ear disease.

Did he EVER hear out of hisleft ear?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 21, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 12:57 am UTC

Russell Crowe won theGolden Globe award for best actor in a dramatic role for his depictionof a genius mathematics professor in “A Beautiful Mind” last night.

This movie has really helpedto make mathematicians look a lot cooler – in fact Pamela Anderson hasalready been seen prowling the halls of MIT.

Charlie Sheen, won bestactor in a comedy series in “Spin City” over Kelsey Grammer of “Frasier.”

Technically, he won the awardfor “Best Recovering Addict” in a comedy series but, these days, they'repretty much the same thing.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 18, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 1:28 pm UTC

Pakistani President Gen.Pervez Musharraf said he thinks Osama bin Laden is most likely dead becausehe has not been able to get treatment for his kidney disease. 

That's probably true. I mean,would a terrorist organization which trains suicide bombers even offera health plan?

There's a good way to getrid of bin Laden: let him come to the U.S. for kidney treatment. Aftera few months of dealing with an HMO, he'll kill himself out of frustration.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 17, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 11:31 am UTC

HBO has produced a newdocumentary about Monica Lewinsky called “Monica in Black and White.”

The original title was “Monicain Blue Dress,” but that one was at the cleaners.

At a press conferenceto promote the documentary, Monica said she's still trying to figure outhow to live a normal life. 

Let's see here, she sleptwith a big celebrity and since then has been milking it for all she can.What's more normal than that?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 17, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 9:15 am UTC

A Massachusetts man hasbeen charged by federal prosecutors with faking his own death in orderto avoid paying back student loans.

Hey, this may be the solutionfor Enron executives!

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 16, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 6:55 pm UTC

Actress-comedian EllenDeGeneres says she looks forward to having children someday but realizes”the kid is going to have a hard time at school” by virtue of having alesbian mother. 

Come on. What would be moreembarrassing for the kid? The fact that his mother is a lesbian or thatshe once went out with Anne Heche?

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 14, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 9:05 am UTC

President Bush faintedbriefly in the White House residence yesterday after choking on a pretzelwhile watching an NFL playoff game on television.

There's a switch – the presidentchoking on something, rather than somebody choking on the president.

There's no solid evidencethat the preztel had any Al Qaeda ties.

But, just in case, Bush isplanning to bomb Pennsylvania Dutch Country.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 14, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 8:02 am UTC

The U.S. Marine Corpswill soon unveil its new camouflage uniform.

They based the new designon a uniform that they knew would make the soldiers virtually invisibleto terrorists – Logan Airport Security guard uniforms.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 14, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 7:57 am UTC

Britain's 17-year-oldPrince Harry confessed to his father, Prince Charles, that he has smokedcannabis several times and gotten drunk at parties with friends.

This is really a difficultsituation for Prince Charles to deal with. I mean, how do you punish aprince? Send him to his palace for the night without a sumptuous, five-coursesupper?

Charles sent Harry toa drug rehabilitation clinic to warn him of the dangers of drug and alcoholabuse.

He should've just had himhang around Kid Rock instead.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 11, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 10:49 am UTC

Flamboyant 80's singerBoy George has written a musical which will open soon in London.

Have you heard the title?”The Vagina-Envy Monologues”.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 11, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 8:08 am UTC

CBS aired the final episodeof “Survivor: Africa” last night.

Did you hear what the producershave planned for the next edition of “Survivor”? I hear this will be -by far – the harshest, most challenging environment yet – “Survivor: Enron”.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 8, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 11:15 pm UTC

Charles Bishop, the 15-year-oldwho piloted a small plane into a Tampa high-rise office building, was foundto have a prescription for the acne drug Accutane, which the FDA has saidcan cause patients to become depressed or suicidal.

The FDA? It sounds like theFAA should be regulating this stuff.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 8, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 1:38 pm UTC

Dave Thomas, the founderand spokesman for the Wendy's hamburger chain, died on Tuesday at age 69of liver cancer.

He died peacefully and inno pain, thanks to a “Biggie-sized” shot of morphine.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 8, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 10:16 am UTC

75-year-old CongressmanJohn Dingell was forced to submit to a strip search by security guardsat Washington's Reagan National Airport after his metal hip set of metaldetectors.

The guards not only clearedDingell of any suspicion that he was carrying a weapon, but they also gavehis prostate a clean bill of health.

Former President Bill Clintonspoke out in support of the airport security guards, saying that he wouldbe more than willing to submit to a strip search anytime.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 8, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 1:09 am UTC

Basketball superstar MichaelJordan's wife has filed for divorce and is seeking permanent custody ofthe couple's three children, their 25,000-square-foot home and half ofthe couple's property.

Apparently, she already hascustody of his jump shot.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 7, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 9:53 pm UTC

Executives at CNN claimthat a recent promotional spot touting anchor Paula Zahn as “just a littlesexy” was a mistake.

They admitted that the spotwas really meant to promote Larry King.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 7, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 7:37 pm UTC

The U.S. Supreme Courthas sided with the heirs of the Three Stooges in a dispute an artist overhis T-shirts bearing realistic drawings of the wacky trio. The court saidthat an artist must get approval and pay licensing fees to depict a celebrity– even if he has been dead for decades. 

That's bad news for thosepeople selling Keith Richards T-shirts.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 6, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 5:11 pm UTC

Intel will soon unveilits Pentium 4 microprocessor, which will be the fastest computer chip inthe world.

They developed the chip aftera request from the statistician for the Detroit Lions, who was having troublekeeping track of all those yards and points they gave up this past season.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 4, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 3:53 am UTC

The Miami Hurricanes easilywon the college football Bowl Championship Series title game Thursday night,by jumping out to a 34-0 first-half lead and winning 37-14.

I think this whole Bowl ChampionshipSeries stinks. I mean, you know it's screwed up when the Detroit Lionsare playing in the championship game.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 3, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 9:59 am UTC

Former President BillClinton's dog Buddy was killed Wednesday by a passing car outside the family'shome in Chappaqua, New York. 

On the bright side, thisshould cut down on the amount of unwanted humping going on in the Clintonhouse.

The police said that ayoung driver from the neighborhood was “possibly involved,” but stressedthat Buddy's death was purely an accident. 

It's a good thing for theperson responsible that it wasn't President Bush's dog, or he'd be facinga military tribunal.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 3, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 8:26 am UTC

56-year-old guitaristEric Clapton secretly married his 25-year-old girlfriend near his homein Surrey, England on New Year's Day.

The secret was revealed whensomebody noticed that massive amounts of Viagra were purchased near Surrey,England on New Year's Day.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 2, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 12:25 pm UTC

The first play in Afghanistan since the fall of the Taliban was staged in Kabul on Wednesday.

It was called “Death of aTalibansman.”

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 2, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 9:46 am UTC

A 72 year-old Chicagoman is trying to become the oldest man to climb Mount Everest.

He'd also be the oldest manto mount something that large since J. Howard Marshall married Anna NicoleSmith.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
January 1, 2002.
  Web Posted at: 9:23 pm UTC

Boxer Mike Tyson was involvedin a heated confrontation with journalists in his Cuban hotel lobby Tuesdayand lightly punching one cameraman on the head, witnesses said.

The scary thing is, thiswas the toughest fight Tyson's had in several years.

Don King is already insistingon a rematch.

Tyson also picked up threecrystal balls, from a decoration in the hotel lobby, and threw them atthe journalists.

It's hard to blame him forgetting angry; he must have seen his future in the crystal balls.

-Chum    [link | comment]

Be Sociable, Share!
Follow chumworth on Twitter