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Creative Commons License
This work by Chumworth is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
June 25, 2004.
  Web Posted at: 8:45 am UTC
Almost Missed This One

Thank god it’s Friday!

No, really THANK YOU GOD! It might just be me, but I think friday is one of the best things HE ever created. Well, that and sandwiches with french fries on the inside.

I think the onset of my late early mid-30s is starting to affect my brain. First I found myself actually wearing some of my father-in-law’s old Hawaiian shirts. Lately, I’ve also found myself spending far too much time and mental energy trying to calculate the exact optimal length my grass should be. Shouldn’t be long now before I’m firing up Paul Harvey on the radio for “the rest of the story.” Boy, can he spin a yarn!

Anyhow, apparently whatever’s affecting my brain activity lately also caused me to completely miss a joke of mine that David Letterman told the Late Show back on June 7. Click here to hear it live (format: MP3, size: 238kb), or check it out on my Late Night Joke page.

My joke is the finishing punch line. I included the previous joke for the setup, which is also pretty funny anyway. O.J., you crazy murdering jerkwad! You kill me! Ha ha.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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June 18, 2004.
  Web Posted at: 10:55 am UTC
Gipper Withdrawal

I don’t know about you, but I’m knee deep in Ronald Reagan funeral withdrawal. It’s been almost a week since they finally locked away the Gip once and for all out there in California, and I still can’t believe it’s all over. This hasn’t been my year. First they took away “The Apprentice” from me and life without Omarosa and The Donald seemed pointless. Then, they took Boston Rob and Amber away from me when “Survivor: All Stars” wrapped and there really seemed to be no reason to go on any further. But then, after Reagan died, there were what seemed like weeks (or was it months?) of remembrances, tributes, moments of silence and generally inane commentary from the likes of Paula Zahn and for one brief shining moment, all seemed right in the world.

But then it all ended. Why God WHY? Man, the Lord really does giveth and taketh away.

My only hope is that, just like “The Apprentice” and “Survivor,” they’ll come up with a way to make “The Reagan Funeral – Season 2.” I mean, why not? They came up with “Joe Schmo 2″ didn’t they? How about this: Next fall or next spring we bring the casket back out for another U.S. tour? Maybe this time, instead of sending it to Washington, they can send it along with Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie as they travel through rural America. You know, put all three in an old pick up truck with no money and tell them they have to get back to California and watch the zany antics unfold. Now tell me that wouldn’t be pure TV gold!

Anyhow, it’s just a thought.

Ok, time crawl back in bed with the shades pulled until “The Apprentice 2″ debuts.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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June 1, 2004.
  Web Posted at: 8:25 am UTC
Saddam or Martha?

After years of menacing the world, a deposed dictator is finally captured and brought to justice, but refuses to cooperate with authorities. Sound familiar? You bet – it seems like Martha Stewart will never learn. But neither will Saddam Hussein. U.S. officials say he’s not talking, he’s dummied up but good.

Dave Letterman closed out his monologue on last Friday’s Late Show (5/28/04) with a joke of mine on this topic. Click here to hear it live (format: MP3, size: 248kb), or check it out on my Late Night Joke page.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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