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Creative Commons License
This work by Chumworth is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
January 30, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 2:15 pm UTC
The Guide

Nothing is better than watching Dave Letterman tell a joke I wrote on TV. However, the next best thing is seeing one of those jokes I wrote reprinted in a newspaper or magazine. In the past friends and family have alerted me when one of my Dave jokes has appeared in such esteemed publications as the New York Post’s Page Six as well as Entertainment Weekly. This month, my sister saw a recent joke of mine reprinted in the magazine di tutti magazines – TV Guide (week of January 23-29, 2006 issue). That’s right – I’ve now been published in THE GUIDE! Well, OK, it’s still technically published under Dave’s name, but we still know who thought it up in the first place, now don’t we?

It’s been quite a month. First I go under the knife, then my joke appears in The Guide, and now my team is playing in the big game in Detroit. Yoi and double yoi!

-Chum    [link | comment]

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January 26, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 11:45 am UTC
All the Wrong Moves

Imagine you’re Isiah Thomas, president of the New York Knicks. You’re team is bringing up the rear in the NBA’s Atlantic Division and you are pretty much the main reason why. The press is all over you, the fans want your head and your boss ain’t too happy neither. Think things couldn’t get any worse? Oh, think again. Remember that fine looking former senior vice president of marketing for the team you had your eyes on? Well, it turns out the feelings weren’t exactly mutual and she’s just filed sexual harassment charges against you. Things just got a lot worse. To be safe, you better not watch the late night talk shows if you don’t want to hear your name as the butt of a joke or four.

For example, if you had tuned into the Late Show on Wednesday night (1/25/06) you would have heard David Letterman tell the following joke I wrote about you:

New York Knicks President Isiah Thomas has been charged with sexual harassment by a former employee.

On the bright side it’s nice to see somebody on the Knicks who’s got some moves.

Click here to hear it live (format: MP3, size: 139kb) or check it out on my Late Night Joke page.

Comedy writing lesson number 237: the best comedy is based on the misfortune of others. Write that down.

-Chum    [link | comment]

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January 6, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 8:30 am UTC

So apparently it turns out that the guy in Amadeus – the short, crazy one who farted a lot and wrote great music – was real! Who knew? Not only that, but now somebody in Austria who was poking around 200 year old dead bodies thinks he’s found the guy’s actual skull. How creepy is that? Naturally, this makes for good late night talk show joke material, as evidenced by the joke I wrote about it that Dave Letterman told on Wednesday’s Late Show (1/4/06).

Researchers in Austria believe they’ve found Mozart’s skull.

They say they used a DNA test and, just to be sure, had Joan Rivers identify it.

Click here to hear it live (format: MP3, size: 202kb) or check it out on my Late Night Joke page.

Note that you could easily have substituted any number of other living celebrities who are desperately trying to cling to youth (and life) including, but not limited to, Dick Clark, Cher, Mick Jagger, etc. Go ahead, try it out; they’re equally funny!

-Chum    [link | comment]

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