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Creative Commons License
This work by Chumworth is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
July 28, 2011.
  Web Posted at: 10:39 am UTC
Seven Days without Social Media

I recently decided to go seven days without using social media – for financial reasons and not due to severe head trauma. Believe it or not, I actually lived to tell about it (though I’m still suffering from PTSD).

Not only did I live to tell about it, but I also wrote about it for ITworld.com. Take a look-see and hopefully you’ll get a few laughs (and maybe even a tear or two) out of my suffering. You’re welcome!

7 Days without Social Media

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May 25, 2011.
  Web Posted at: 9:35 am UTC
The Taliban is on Twitter!

My latest IT Underworld cartoon for ITWorld.com.

The Taliban is on Twitter!

See also:
Taliban join the Twitter revolution

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March 28, 2011.
  Web Posted at: 2:04 pm UTC
Life Before and After Twitter

My latest IT Underworld cartoon for ITWorld.com.

Life Before and After Twitter

See also: Twitter turns 5, but how will it survive?

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November 1, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 8:07 am UTC
Halloween Toons!

I had not one but two Halloween cartoons published last week!

First was my latest IT Underworld cartoon for ITWorld.com.

Trick or ... Tweet?

Second was my latest for NPR‘s All Tech Considered Blog

This Way To Good Candy!

Hmmm, some of those trick-or-treaters really get around…

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April 23, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 11:04 am UTC
If Advertising Can Work for Twitter…

My latest IT Underworld cartoon for ITWorld.com. I draw a new one every week! That’s just how I roll.

If Advertising Can Work for Twitter...

Plus – I’ve colorized my first IT Underworld cartoon!

If Advertising Can Work for Twitter...

Related reading: At long last, Twitter starts serving up ads

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January 11, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-11
  • survived family dinner. the bad news: the girls left the table 3 times to fart. the good news: the girls left the table 3 times to fart. #
  • enjoying the defensive struggle going on in arizona. #
  • more bad news for the economy: the unemployment rate is about to go up by neil rackers. #cardinals #
  • we took down all the christmas gear today; it's always a little sad when i put away my red thong. #
  • wow – what an ending to the cardinals-packers game. i think a certain cardinals kicker owes a certain cardinals linebacker a blow. #
  • how in the hell is it monday again already? i blame the blue dogs. #
  • just ate a piece of fruit, which proves that i'm working too hard to think straight. #
  • this concludes the lunch portion of the day. pardon me whilst i observe a moment of silence. #
  • dear lord: please let me survive these next 2 weeks without going insane. let me know if i should also ask this of allah and/or tom cruise. #
  • looks like I picked the right week to not quit drinking. #

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January 10, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-10
  • so far not so good for chad ochodumbass and his fellow bungles. #
  • enjoying a few fingers of this: http://tinyurl.com/yjpcau5 #
  • the poor old bungles. losers again. #
  • the poor bengals will never be winners with those god awful uniforms. #
  • preparing a heaping plate of cheese fries for cowboys-eagles – no, wait, i'm sorry, that's what jessica simpson is doing. #
  • the first topless house cleaning of 2010 is on! #
  • it's day two of wild card weekend in the NFL. i am doing what comes naturally to a man on these days: roasting a turkey. #
  • gee, the patriots look sharp! #
  • is it too late for the patriots to get in on the pete carroll bidding? #
  • if i'm john harbaugh i wouldn't be expecting a hand shake from BB after this game. bill will probably be heading into the locker room soon. #
  • the 10 year old clogged her first toilet of 2010 today. #
  • attention male neighbors of mine: that empty NAIL SALON toy box out with the trash was for my 10 year old daughter. honest. #

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January 9, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-09
  • happy hour is here! i am drinking beer, so i am happy! #
  • we've ordered food from a foreign country! hint: it's not part of NAFTA or the EU. #
  • hey – my IT Underworld toon made the front page of Cartoon Saturday on Open Salon! http://open.salon.com/ #
  • NFL playoffs starting soon so i'm doing what most guys before football: preparing a marinade. #
  • <— back by popular demand, it's my drinking avatar! let the games begin! #

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January 8, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-08
  • wait – new jersey won't pass a gay marriage bill? jersey shore has given me the wrong impression that state. it seems so enlightened on TV. #
  • I think I'm getting a cold, so I may take nyquil for non-recreational reasons tonight. #
  • i hear the weather in new orleans is lovely in early february. i will find out for myself in a few weeks! time to buy some beads. #
  • who's feeling it? i'm feeling it! could also just be gas. #
  • having a strong urge to gouge my eyes out because of work. that's normal, right? #

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January 7, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-07
  • i need a new plan – and possibly a new liver. #
  • hmm, time now for tea or wine? ha – dumb question. it's time for scotch. #
  • jimmy fallon needs WGA writers for this? "Randy Johnson is retiring from baseball… Fans wish he’d take more time to mullet over." #
  • not having to write topical jokes everyday is making me lose touch with the world. have jon and kate had any more kids? #
  • ok, so my town says that i can dispose of medical waste in my trash, at least until july. good to know, you know, just in case. #
  • a man was arrested for running naked near the white house on wednesday. at least they think it was a man; it was pretty cold out. #
  • dear MBTA: if the 4:49 train each night is going to continue to be 10 minutes late, can you just change the official departure time to 4:59? #

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January 6, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-06
  • based on the number of women wearing uggs these days I'd say that the government needs to raise the terror alert level a notch or three. #
  • had dinner and drinks with a friend tonight and I was clearly drunk as a skunk cause I remember something about ordering a veggie burger. #
  • my oatmeal was too dry this morning. sadly, that should be my most exciting update of the day. #
  • well, so far wednesdays in 2010 make me just as gassy as wednesdays in 2009. #
  • looks like the office cleaning company has resolved to no longer vacuum in 2010. at least somebody is sticking to their resolutions. #

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January 5, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-05
  • that 10 day old leftover meat i ate last night? well, there's still some left – and now it's 11 days old. pray for me. #
  • mrs chumworth just gave the kids ice cream. anything to keep their yappers shut. #
  • just turned on the fiesta bowl, took one look at the god-awful uniforms on both sides and immediately changed the channel. #
  • i just tuned back into the fiesta bowl and was immediately hit with an ad for idaho potatoes. great – more propaganda from big potato. #
  • back on the train to work. there goes new year's resolution number one. #
  • my toes are cold. note to self: at next job review demand personal foot warming assistant. #
  • can't recall if i posted this already: ALL of the jokes i submitted to @jimmyfallon are now up here: http://tinyurl.com/yb7ykoq #
  • dang – forgot my watch this morning. guess i'll have to go home and get it. back in three hours. #
  • an old friend has flown in all the from hawaii to buy me dinner and drinks tonight! you know who you are – thanks in advance! #
  • another day, another invitation to come and speak at harvard about comedy writing. yawn. #
  • heading into kenmore square to meet friend and drink beer. hopefully there isn't a red sox – or bruins – game at Fenway tonight. #

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January 4, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-04
  • just got back home to find that the world's greatest neighbor had plowed my driveway and shoveled my driveway. praise jeebus! #
  • about to eat 10 day old leftover meat. what could possibly go wrong? #
  • whew – the toughest part of coming back from florida is adjusting to the time change. time for bed! #
  • on the train to work. someone please wake me up from this nightmare. #
  • dave barry: still as laugh-out-loud-funny as ever: http://tinyurl.com/y9zlx5k #
  • back at work for 73 minutes and i'm ready for another long break. #
  • putting on music; going to happy place. #
  • RR new year's IT Underworld toon is up! Ten years after Y2K: We're finally compliant: http://bit.ly/8c0juC #
  • my scale told me this morning in no uncertain terms that it's time to cut back on the beer. message received: time for a new scale. #
  • realizing now that one huge perk of my previous place of employment was an ample supply of odd shaped bandages. #
  • 65 across in today's Boston globe crossword: boner. #

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January 3, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-03
  • the in-laws keep leaving messages to warn us about the snow back i'm Boston. they don't realize we cam pick up the Marconi signal in FLA. #
  • we have officially finished all of the beer in the rental house. everything must go before tomorrow's departure! that just leaves the wine. #
  • it's never a good sign when you're staying at a place and the book for guest comments has every other page torn out. #
  • well, gotta take the family back north tomorrow. time to go cry myself to sleep. #
  • time to leave the FLA and head back to the BOS. crap. #
  • through security at jacksonville airport. flight to BOS delayed one hour. Now getting lunch; ordering something that won't make me gassy. #
  • just ate a black bean burger instead of a real burger. just lost another 5% of manliness. #
  • just ate a black bean burger instead of a real burger. just lost another 5% of manliness. there ain't much left. #
  • the bad news: flight departure now delayed until 3:00. the good news: the steeler game is on here at the gate. not so bad. #
  • looks like our plane is here. guess we really will have to go home. #
  • we're on the plane! perfect. just in time for the second half of the steelers spanking the dolphins. #
  • about to take off for BOS. starting to look forward to getting home to my own beer. #
  • wheels down in Boston! based on what I see outside the window, I'm starting to question my decision to wear shorts for the flight home. #
  • now playing baggage roulette at Logan airport. let's see if our luggage was on board… #

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January 2, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-02
  • drinking beer, making tacos and playing the whole beastie boys catalog. this is what newly minted 40 year olds do on vacation. sad. #
  • the 10 year old just clogged her first toilet in Florida. that's three states down, forty seven to go. #
  • last full day in FLA, meaning last day for me to make an idiot of myself in the wetsuit. #
  • on second thought, it's too cold for swimming today. I have delicate constitution, you know. #
  • taking the kids to a nature preserve, which they will enjoy whether they like it or not. #
  • we're hiking through a nature preserve which, unfortunately, doesn't seem to have a starbucks. #
  • the kids are in the hot tub which is good cause if there's one thing that kids 10 and under need it's a long, relaxing soak. #

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January 1, 2010.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2010-01-01
  • lighting fireworks on the beach! and drinking. #
  • fireworks done! all digits still in place. time to put the kiddos to bed and for more booze. #
  • the kids are almost in bed. once they are we pop open the champagne. after a few more drinks I'll be ready to moon 2009. adios, bitch. #
  • we've busted out the bubbly and the beastie boys. things are getting wild in northern FLA. #
  • look at me – staying up until the new year, like a kid. apparently, life does begin at 40! clearly I am drunk. #
  • hey – it's 2010! whatever. let's get this year over with. #
  • first workout of 2010 is in the books. still waiting on first attack of gas in 2010. shouldn't be long. #
  • it's a rainy day here in FLA. may need to wear pants. dang. #
  • new year's IT Underworld toon is up! Ten years after Y2K: We're finally compliant: http://bit.ly/8c0juC #
  • once again I got some brilliant thinking done in the shower. with enough soap and water I could solve the problems in the mid east. #
  • due to the rain in FLA we're gonna skip the swimming and take the kids bowling instead. I may still wear my wetsuit. #
  • just took the kids bowling at the worst bowling alley ever. on the plus side, I was invited to join the PBA ( again). #

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December 31, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-31
  • well, we just broke another item here at the rental house. our deposit is slowly but surely disappearing. time for another beer! #
  • on the stairmaster. these butt cheeks won't tone themselves. #
  • time for a shower then me and the boys are heading out to pick up new years eve fireworks! another reason to love the FLA. #
  • despite a dip in the ocean yesterday, my iPhone earbuds still work! well, one bud works, the other bud and the volume control not so much. #
  • you know you've bought some fireworks when the guy selling them (at a place called extreme fireworks) says "whoa – you guys are serious." #
  • time for one last dip in the ocean for 2009. the wet suit is on again! #
  • going for a beach walk. I always like to center myself before commencing with the beer drinking. #
  • beach walk called off. instead, i'm watching spongebob with seven little kids. #
  • new year's eve beer drinking has begun! the goal now: get the kids in bed as soon as possible. #

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December 30, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-30
  • 6:21pm and I have not yet had a beer. calling 911 now. #
  • just tangled with the stairmaster – while watching Kung Fu Panda. life could be worse. #
  • here's what's on the docket for today: take the kids to the ripley's believe it or not museum (freaks!) then swimming then beer drinking! #
  • about to put on the wet suit once again to go frolic on the ocean like an idiot. #
  • I am naked and briney! time for a shower – then beer. #
  • is there a sadder sight than three 40 year old guys frolicking in wet suits in the surf? probably, but I'm not sure what. #
  • dang, just realized I went into the ocean with my iPhone earbuds in the pocket of my swim suit. time for new ones. #

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December 29, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-29
  • time to work off last night's beer and cake. my ass feels a bit chunky. #
  • done sweating! now time for a donut. #
  • I'm back in the wet suit! ready to flop around in the cold ocean. #
  • giving the girls a vacation beat down in clue. I show no mercy. #
  • loading up on coffee before tapping beer, i.e. living the life! #

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December 28, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-28
  • wait – the jets beat the colts?! oh come on now… #
  • feels wrong to have to turn on the heat in Florida. #
  • drinking coffee in florida. seems to taste the same here. #
  • look at me exercising on vacation. anything to keep those beer calories off my hips. #
  • about to put on a wet suit for the first time. the line forms to the right, ladies. #
  • I shouldn't have bought mrs chumworth that flip video camera for christmas. now there's a video of me in a wet suit that must be deleted. #
  • wow – just spent $430 at the winn dixie on food and booze. that oughta hold us until wednesday. #
  • we've been able to score to good here in FLA: harpoon, dogfish head, etc. my complements to the governor! #

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December 27, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-27
  • heading out of town first thing tomorrow with the family. flying with two little kids – what could go wrong? #
  • at Logan airport waiting to depart for FLA! nipples hard – and not just because of the chill. #
  • the wife planned a surprise trip to FLA for us because I'm turning a certain age that ends in zero and that's where you go when you're old. #
  • there's a woman on the plane bitching about screaming kids on the flight. she's making far more noise than any kid. shut up, lady. #
  • the chumworths have arrived in Florida! you've been warned… #
  • now that we're in Florida, breakfast means two words: waffle house! #
  • I've been hornswoggled by the wife! we get to Florida to find friends have flown down to join us. beer me! #
  • almost forgot – the steelers spanked the ravens! nice job boys! #

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December 26, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-26
  • the girls were asking to play rockband beatles at 7:30 this morning. i said no; it's for their own safety, otherwise mama might kill them. #
  • the girls are arguing over which is the better restaurant: chiles or the 99. they both serve beer so i'm neutral. #
  • heading out to family meal at a restaurant. those who don't learn from the past…etc. #
  • RR New IT Underworld toon is up! Christmas Eve in the North Pole IT department http://bit.ly/8jgXaD #

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December 25, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-25
  • santa chumworth has moved from beer to wine. he needs a designated sleigh driver. #
  • the 7 year old just poured a glass of fat free milk for santa. i suggested a beer but she didn't listen. #
  • watching the empire strikes back. it's easy to forget that at one time warp speed, talking droids and wookies were all fiction. #
  • well, the kids are in bed and the presents are wrapped and under the tree. just a few hours now until the kids are up and disappointed. #
  • seven words: mrs chumworth got a snuggie for christmas. lucky gal! #
  • presents opened – check. tears shed – check. standard chrismas day activities accomplished – check. #
  • grandma chumworth and aunt chumworth have outfitted us with a wii – and rockband beatles. good lord. #
  • time for the big Christmas meal! we're having beer and … some sort of food. #

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December 24, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-24
  • i just realized this is the first time in almost 10 years that i don't have a tv show to write jokes for… the thought is making me gassy. #
  • it's 8:21pm and the kids are still up. calling 911… #
  • working from home AND wearing pants. #
  • nice job by the senate passing a health care reform bill. we're one step closer to letting me live a less healthy life! #
  • the 7 year old is cranking the dave brubeck and the 10 year old is floating some stinky biscuits. family time! #
  • New IT Underworld toon is up! Christmas Eve in the North Pole IT department http://bit.ly/8jgXaD #
  • time to begin preliminary work on the christmas eve homemade pizza! #
  • the best christmas present i ever got? easy. hands down, no question – stretch armstrong: http://tinyurl.com/azc3yw #
  • the christmas eve pizza dough is rising! assembly will take place later after proper rise time. now drinking. #

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December 23, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-23
  • we're almost out of A1 sauce. i'm resisting the urge to call 911. #
  • this wine is making me thirsty – for more wine. #
  • my flannel christmas tree boxer undershorts are clean! christmas has come early. #
  • just ate fudge. good thing bikini season is a few months away. #
  • Tiger Woods has been voted the PGA Player of the Year. Here's the funny thing – it had nothing to do with his golf game. #
  • ate oatmeal and wheat toast for breakfast. may as well start pricing a move to del boca vista. #
  • forget healthcare – when is obama going to do something about bananas that don't peel easily? it's becoming an epidemic. #
  • President Obama was interviewd by NPR today. Smart move because if there's one group that he needs to win over it's public radio listeners. #
  • my kids keep asking me what i want for christmas and i keep saying "peace and quiet." they think i'm joking. #
  • this was inevitable: just got word that @jimmyfallon will no longer take freelance submissions. i've been fired again! #
  • attention gentlemen: those earmuffs that wrap around the back of your head look just as dumb as regular earmuffs. #

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December 22, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-22
  • drinking wine from a very small glass, which makes me classy as hell. #
  • i know he won a super bowl and all but eli manning still looks like a kid who got wedgied and stuffed into lockers regularly. #
  • once obama finally wraps up health care reform, the next thing he has to overhaul is the "c'mon man" segment on MNF. #
  • Susan Boyle is being considered to sing the theme song for the next Bond movie. Even better news: she's not being considered as a Bond girl. #
  • here we go again. another day, another kick in the nuts. #
  • RR New @ITUnderworld cartoon is up! The help desk finds religion in Android http://bit.ly/6aa3Pm #
  • drinking tea which means i have obviously just given the hell up. #
  • oooh – 4:20! time to roll. #

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December 21, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-21
  • the chumworth family holiday cards and letter are ready to go! this year's letter is rated PG-13. just a heads up. #
  • TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!! i just wet myself. #steelers #
  • wow – that was just about all i could say. wow. big ben does it again! i'll take it. #steelers #
  • winter sucks. note to self: move closer to equator. #
  • Jon and Kate Gosselin are officially divorced after 10 years of marriage. She gets custody of the kids, he gets custody of the babysitter. #
  • if michael jackson were still alive i could make a joke out of this: White women have the highest ave life expectancy in the U.S. of 80.7. #
  • New @ITUnderworld cartoon is up! The help desk finds religion in Android http://bit.ly/6aa3Pm #
  • chewing gum in a fruitless attempt to look cool. perhaps i'd look cooler if it wasn't sugar free. #

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December 20, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-20
  • uh oh – the kids are reading the family letter i wrote to send out with the holiday cards. i forgot they can read now. #
  • watching the "diaper cleaner" episode of dirty jobs. in related news, i'm no longer hungry. #
  • why do i always get congested on saturday night? #
  • looks like just a few inches of snow out there – but enough to be annoying. mother nature can suck it. #
  • mrs chumworth is boiling eggs. she's stealing my act. #
  • trying to gird my loins to go outside and clear the driveway. although, to be honest, my loins are naturally pretty girded. #
  • time to go make mother nature my bitch. #
  • roasting a chicken, gonna watch the steelers-packers and pray for a miracle #
  • hey look – TOUCHDOWN!!!! almost forgot what that's like. #steelers #
  • we score again! yee-haw! the nips are getting hard – and not because of the cold. #steelers #
  • WIDE RIGHT! eat cheese, packer fans! mmm, cheese. #steelers #

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December 19, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-19
  • <—- here we go! #
  • drinking beer and rubbing my facial hair. things are getting wild here… #
  • big news: the local booze store is once again stocking dogfish head 60 minute IPA! praise jesus. #
  • i'm making my own naughty and nice lists this year. so far, the naughty list is far longer. nice going, people. #
  • watching elf yet again. never gets old. #
  • chinese food is here! thank you people's republic! #
  • ok, well, the chinese food seemed like a good idea at the time. now, not so much. #
  • time to make the oatmeal. still living the dream. #
  • almost time to start thinking about Christmas presents for the wife. almost. #
  • survived both christmas AND grocery shopping. i deserve a beer or three. #
  • supposedly it's going to snow tonight. luckily, we are well stocked with booze, coffee and nilla wafers. bring it on! #
  • <— beer time! #
  • waiting for the snow to start falling so i can give it the finger. #
  • i cut myself shaving today. i won't say where, only that it's north of the equator. #
  • just threatened the 7 year old with a time out if she doesn't quit farting. #

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December 18, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-18
  • ooops – broke a wine glass. don't nobody tell mrs chumworth. #
  • mrs chumworth was in the house for 5 minutes before the 7 year old blabbed about me breaking the wine glass. she's out of the will. #
  • the holiday cards are here and the family holiday letter is written! this weekend we stuff and mail – and drink beer. #
  • the commuter train smells like urine again. can't you people hold it? #
  • Tiger Woods has recently been golfing at night. Golfing is good therapy since it's the thing he does best – well, the second best thing. #
  • nine minutes until lunch o'clock. not that i'm counting down or anything. #
  • with each email that i remove from my work inbox, my stomach hurts a little less. #
  • i thought i was the only one… RT @DadGoneMad I'm going to take a drug test this morning. I'm pretty sure I'll test positive for AWESOME! #
  • almost time to fly! and by "fly" i mean go home and drink beer. #
  • dear friday: oh how I love you. unlike that annoying tease thursday, you put out. #

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December 17, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-17
  • Even Santa Claus is now going green. This year for the first time, all the bad little kids will get clean burning coal in their stockings. #
  • holy crap it is cold out there. i've been indoors for 30 minutes already and my boogers have yet to defrost. #
  • i refuse to refer to a staff meeting as a "staffer," but that's just me. #
  • just saw a guy on the street with toilet paper hanging out of his pants. it does happen. #
  • mrs chumworth is out again tonight, leaving me to feed and care for offspring all by myself (i.e. punishing me). #

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December 16, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-16
  • 10 days to christmas and the kids are getting desperate. the 7 year old wrote santa a real suck-up letter today. santa sees through that. #
  • well, here's another day that's got a high probability of sucking. #
  • Tiger Woods' wife has hired a divorce lawyer. This may be the best thing for Tiger – you know, getting divorced and settling down. #
  • just learned that hawaii doesn't observe daylight savings time. right – why would they? it's not perfect enough there as it is? #
  • i think i know which of santa's lists tiger woods is on this year… #

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December 15, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-15
  • on the train to work and ready for my daily ass-kicking. let's get this over with. #
  • Courtney Love lost custody of her 17-yr-old daughter after a long period of unstable conduct. It was a pretty long period – about 45 years. #
  • 9:42 am and i'm ready to pack it in for the day. unfortunately, i still have so much of my magic yet to be worked today. sigh. #
  • who needs a hug? not me. no way. well, maybe a quick one. #
  • serenity now! or later. just sometime, please. #
  • A Texas man was arrested for breaking into a house after police found him there taking a bath. He was charged with breaking & exfoliating. #

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December 14, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-14
  • if you're trying to decide what to get me for christmas, a lobotomy would be good. #
  • got a very strong 8 1/2 hours of sleep last night! i am fresh as a daisy and ready to be bitch-slapped by monday. #
  • The Tiger Woods scandal will now be adapted into an adult film. They say it'll be pretty to true to the real story – but less dirty. #
  • 8 1/2 hours of refreshing sunday night sleep have already been undone by four hours of monday morning. thanks, monday. #
  • There are only 10 more shopping days until Christmas! Or, for you guys, only nine more procrastinating days. #
  • christmas shopping tip for you fellas to make it as quick as possible: always shop with a full bladder. you'll be done in no time. #
  • from @SportsGuy33: the 12 % Theory: every childbirth makes a woman 12 percent less sane until the kids can fully function on their own. #
  • the christmas tree has been up and decorated for 24 hours. broken ornament count: 2. we're on pace for a new record. #

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December 13, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-13
  • <— getting my drink on! #
  • just blanched tomatoes for the first time in my life. today i am a man! #
  • champange, sparkling wine, whatever. long as it's got alcohol. #
  • just ordered the holiday cards! for the record, mrs chumworth wouldn't let me put "happy whatever!" on them. #
  • the 7 year old is running around the house pantless. don't know where she got that move from. #
  • made the 7 year old put on pants. i set such a bad example. #
  • mrs chumworth and 7 year old decorating tree. i'm eating pretzels. #
  • house being invaded tonight by a bunch of women. i will be cowering on the third floor. #

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December 12, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-12
  • <— it's time for this! i need to warm my bod up. some parts of me need more warming up than others. #
  • a certain someone MAY be going back to the BIG EASY in early february. not definite, but looks promising! i could use the beads. #
  • drinking beer and watching rudolph with the kids. party! #
  • up watching "santa claus is coming to town" with the kids. just between us, jessica – the future mrs claus – is pretty hot. #
  • time to gather up the troops and go get the christmas tree! this has emergency room visit written all over it. #
  • RR new IT Underworld cartoon posted! the Windows Christmas Screen of Death: http://tinyurl.com/ydxqnle #
  • the tree is up! not to brag, but i am a true master at putting up the tree. #
  • putting lights on tree and watching a christmas story. i now identify completely with darren mcgavin. i have turned into the old man. #

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December 11, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-11
  • heading home after some quality boozing and eating. good thing it's friday. #
  • well, once again the commuter train smells like a giant urinal cake. nice going, people. #
  • wait – it's friday? i thought yesterday was friday. dang – screwed again. #
  • new IT Underworld cartoon posted! the Windows Christmas Screen of Death: http://tinyurl.com/ydxqnle #
  • gotta lotta crap done this morning and now here i am getting a whole bunch of shit done this afternoon. sweet! #
  • Playboy just launched an iPhone app with no nudity. So, I guess we'll finally found out how many guys really do read it for the articles. #

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December 10, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-10
  • 7 year old is reading me dr seuss books while i work on a cartoon. not a bad way to spend an evening. #
  • the 10 year old is out at a party. she already has a better social life than i do. #
  • accidentally bit my cheek during breakfast this morning – and i'm still going into work. #
  • Tiger Woods’ mistress, Jamiee Grubbs, apologized to his wife on Extra last night. She still hasn't apologized to his other mistresses. #
  • President Obama was in Oslo for less than 24 hours today to accept his Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently it was "wham, bam, thank you, Sven." #
  • i have turkey sandwich breath. time to go freshen up. #
  • it's almost beer o'clock! #
  • heading out for booze and food. mrs chumworth is on her own with the kiddos tonight. hope she can handle the little monsters. #

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December 9, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-09
  • 10 year old wacked noggin here at home, opened up a good cut. lots of blood, but no stitches required. drama alert currently at code red. #
  • mrs chumworth ran the dishwasher when it was full of dishes that were already clean. now she has to be nice to me or i'll tell al gore. #
  • i'm actually looking forward to my bowl of oatmeal in the morning. it's all over for me. #
  • well, ok, i'm actually glad to be on the train weather in this weather, nmatter what my fellow commuters smell like. #
  • well, ok, i'm actually glad to be on the train in this weather, no matter what my fellow commuters smell like. #
  • the train ride in was fine, but the walk from the station to the office sucked the big one. i'm flipping the bird to mother nature. #
  • i think i need to blow dry my pants. #
  • Obama is the 3rd sitting prez to win a Peace Prize, after Teddy Roosevelt & Woodrow Wilson. Each time Joan Rivers worked the red carpet. #
  • eating pretzels on the commuter train, i.e. multitasking again. #
  • first draft of chumworth family holiday letter almost done. celebrity mentions include tiger woods, sarah palin and norma desmond. #
  • mel torme is crooning on the radio right now or, as my mom calls him, the velvet frog. #

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December 8, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-08
  • just boiled water, which explains the acrid smoke now filling the house. #
  • the "c'mon man!" segment on the monday night football pregame show is the single dumbest thing on TV. ever. #
  • looks like my main output of the day will be of the boogery variety. #
  • Matt Lauer and Al Roker anchored the “Today” show from Afghanistan today. Shortly afterwards the Taliban said they give up. #
  • Oprah Winfrey has reportedly asked Tiger Woods to appear on her show for an interview. He's still talking it over with his caddy. #
  • i'm trying a new sandwich for lunch today. pray for me. #
  • if the word "public" factors into your regular work emails, that fact that it's only one letter away from "pubic" can be problematic. #
  • ok – just came up with the concept for this year's chumworth family holiday letter. whew! now i just need to write it. #

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December 7, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-07
  • time to start writing the annual chumworth family holiday letter. after weeding out the embarrassing stuff there ain't much left. #
  • Police in Pennsylvania are searching for a man who robbed a bank dressed up as Santa Claus. They say he should be considered armed & jolly. #
  • dear dark chocolate holiday m&ms: you… complete… me. #
  • gotta take the car in today which means i'm working from home which means i'm charge of the kids which means i'm screwed. #
  • working from home means one thing: unabated access to the toaster waffles. #
  • just turned up the heat in the house. take that, al gore. #
  • hmmm, it's almost noon. i assume mrs chumworth will be coming home any minute from work to make me lunch. #
  • must be the holiday season; everybody seems pissed off. #
  • almost time to pick the kids up from school. i have to otherwise mrs chumworth will yell at me. #
  • 5:00 and mrs chumworth is still not home to relieve me from kid duty. i'm starting to hyperventilate. #
  • the 10 yr old had to design a new country for geography. she came up with meat island. the capital is sausage city. that's my kid. #

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December 6, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-06
  • house being trashed by kids. send help. or beer. #
  • ooof – it's the day after the big chumworth family holiday party. my liver isn't happy. #
  • gonna try and forget my football woes by grilling some bird meat. #

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December 5, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-05
  • beginning holiday party decoration whilst drinking this: http://tinyurl.com/2n4fl8 #
  • the neighbor has his big dumb, inflatable snowman up. or, as i call him, the happy snowman: http://tinyurl.com/yzha686 #
  • the kids are in bed. who says miracles don't happen? #
  • just ordered pizza. life is good. #
  • mrs chumworth bought a dozen red wine glasses today. somebody's gonna have to start drinking more to justify this extravagance. #
  • hey – my cartoon about the White House crashers is on the Open Salon home page today! Right under @lizadonnelly's http://open.salon.com #
  • we are in full party prep mode. large crowd in invading in a few hours. time to hide the valuables. #
  • we have christmas music, a ton of booze and a spiral cut ham. we are ready to party! #

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December 4, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-04
  • good thing broccoli doesn't make you gassy, otherwise that big helping i just ate would be trouble for the whole house. #
  • new IT Underworld cartoon is up! Uncomfortable moments in business history: http://tinyurl.com/ykztbtm #
  • crap – forgot to bring in a piece of fruit for my mid-morning snack. this will throw my whole day off. damn my healthy ways. #
  • RR new IT Underworld cartoon is up! whoops – forgot my dongle! http://tinyurl.com/ykztbtm #
  • good lord, beer o'clock can't come soon enough. #
  • work week over. now to go on booze run for the big chumworth holiday bash tomorrow night! #

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December 4, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-04
  • good thing broccoli doesn't make you gassy, otherwise that big helping i just ate would be trouble for the whole house. #
  • new IT Underworld cartoon is up! Uncomfortable moments in business history: http://tinyurl.com/ykztbtm #
  • crap – forgot to bring in a piece of fruit for my mid-morning snack. this will throw my whole day off. damn my healthy ways. #
  • RR new IT Underworld cartoon is up! whoops – forgot my dongle! http://tinyurl.com/ykztbtm #
  • good lord, beer o'clock can't come soon enough. #
  • work week over. now to go on booze run for the big chumworth holiday bash tomorrow night! #

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December 3, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-03
  • back from the 10 year old's chorus performance at school. she admitted to farting on stage. nice. #
  • i gotta to get to bed on time tonight. beauty sleep just ain't something i can afford to miss out on. #
  • i don't sense a lot of asses getting kicked today, aside from mine. #
  • sweet lord it is unseasonably warm in boston today. time to undo a few buttons on my shirt and flash some heavage. #
  • this is weird; i'm wearing this exact same shirt today: http://tinyurl.com/5r4vjw #

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December 2, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-02
  • TLC has a new series about BBQ Pitmasters. i think nostradamus predicted that. #
  • about to polish off the last of the turkey leftovers. first, a moment of silence. #
  • the 7 year old has a cold and is a little snot factory. she takes after the old man. #
  • 3 minutes until president obama announces he's sending more troops to tiger woods' house. #
  • both of our kids have taken to using the word "chillaxin'". clearly we have failed miserably as parents. #
  • i'm only kicking ass today. taking names just uses up valuable ass kicking time. #
  • i walked into my 10 year old's room this morning, took one whiff, and immediately turned around and walked back out. #
  • making the thursday boston globe crossword puzzle my bitch. #

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December 2, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-02
  • TLC has a new series about BBQ Pitmasters. i think nostradamus predicted that. #
  • about to polish off the last of the turkey leftovers. first, a moment of silence. #
  • the 7 year old has a cold and is a little snot factory. she takes after the old man. #
  • 3 minutes until president obama announces he's sending more troops to tiger woods' house. #
  • both of our kids have taken to using the word "chillaxin'". clearly we have failed miserably as parents. #
  • i'm only kicking ass today. taking names just uses up valuable ass kicking time. #
  • i walked into my 10 year old's room this morning, took one whiff, and immediately turned around and walked back out. #
  • making the thursday boston globe crossword puzzle my bitch. #

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December 1, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-12-01
  • time for another meal of thanksgiving leftovers. mmmm! #
  • finishing my first cartoon with my new bamboo pen and wacom tablet whilst watching pats-saints pregame. all this while wearing pants. #
  • hey – i just counted 12 guys on the defense for the pats… no, wait, vince wilfork just looks like two guys. #patriots #
  • i think i just saw a waterboy on the pats' sideline squirting gravy into vince wilfork's mouth. #patriots #
  • well, the game ain't even half over but so far the pats look like tiger woods and the saints look like tiger woods' wife with a 2-wood. #
  • new cartoon posted. a week late, but what the hell. the dinner crasher: http://tinyurl.com/yhn7ssk #
  • RR: ok, i have made ALL of the jokes i ever submitted to david letterman available on my web site: http://tinyurl.com/yz85fdw #
  • fine. i will go get lunch. no need to twist my arm. #
  • work is causing a large pain in my neck – literally. the pain in my ass is, so far, only figurative. #
  • calgon, take me away! er, BEER, take me away! #
  • the work week is now 40 percent over! not that I'm counting or anything. #

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November 30, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-30
  • well, we all survived family dinner. some of us, however, may not survive bath time. #
  • every time i hear tony sparano talk i keep waiting for him to say "ditka". #
  • concussion, conschmussion. if big ben was able to zip his fly he should be starting tonight. #steelers #
  • just polished off the last piece of thanksgiving apple pie. let me just say that mrs chumworth knows how to make one kick ass pie. #
  • SWEEEET JESUS! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!! dennis dixon! my nips have hardened just a tad. #steelers #
  • gimme an F! gimme a U! gimme a C! gimme a K! what's that spell?! right – monday. #
  • just started the work day by killing a mongo cockroach in the work kitchen. perfect. #
  • not much sucks more than a monday at work – except for maybe your wife chasing you down the driveway with a three iron. #
  • the library is hounding me about an overdue book. i may need to enter the library protection program. #

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November 29, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-29
  • kids in bed. the celebration is now beginning! #
  • a boy named Charlie Brown on abc family. the classics never get old. #
  • time to work my magic with the family checkbook. see – nothing up my sleeve… #
  • finally, i am interested in reading about tiger woods. #
  • about to clean the crapper – topless. #
  • the house is getting cleaner; the chumworth is getting dirtier. #
  • family – can't live with em, can't waterboard em. unless you're dick cheney. #
  • once again tonight we will attempt family dinner. once again it'll end with someone in tears – me. #

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November 28, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-28
  • mrs chumworth has left me alone with the kids. so, we're watching planes, trains and automobiles. #
  • i am heartened by just how much my kids enjoyed "planes, trains and automobiles." perhaps there is hope for the future. #
  • just watched gran torino. clint eastwood: still a badass. #
  • time to go all clark griswold (i.e. put up the christmas lights)! #
  • we've got about 80mph winds going here. seems like the right time to get up on a ladder to hang Christmas lights. #
  • the kids are making gingerbread houses downstairs. i'm afraid to look at the resulting mess… #
  • once again i have been left home alone with the kids. this isn't helping my drinking. #
  • it is THAT time, people! (drinking gesture) #

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November 27, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-27
  • thanksgiving meal – check. thanksgiving cleanup – check. thanksgiving gas – double check. #
  • watching home alone with the kids. it's a shame macaulay culkin ever had to hit puberty. #
  • i may have the day off, but my boogers sure don't. #
  • heading to home depot for christmas lights and to generally peruse manly things. #
  • wife somehow suckered me into going swimming with the kids at the Y. it's the same trick she used to get me to have kids in the first place. #
  • back from swimming with the kids. nobody drowned so, hey, mission accomplished! #
  • time to scrub the chlorine and swine flu residue from the Y-pool off of my body. #

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November 27, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-27
  • thanksgiving meal – check. thanksgiving cleanup – check. thanksgiving gas – double check. #
  • watching home alone with the kids. it's a shame macaulay culkin ever had to hit puberty. #
  • i may have the day off, but my boogers sure don't. #
  • heading to home depot for christmas lights and to generally peruse manly things. #
  • wife somehow suckered me into going swimming with the kids at the Y. it's the same trick she used to get me to have kids in the first place. #
  • back from swimming with the kids. nobody drowned so, hey, mission accomplished! #
  • time to scrub the chlorine and swine flu residue from the Y-pool off of my body. #

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November 26, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-26
  • looks like @jimmyfallon is taping a show tomorrow. that means joke writing for me. not that any will get used, but, eh, what the hell. #
  • just got the thanksgiving day run in. now time to make coffee and start seasoning my giblets. #
  • it is time to prepare the bird. time to break out my "kiss the cook" apron. #
  • the bird is ready for the oven, the giblets are simmering, the bread is baking and – drum roll, please – mrs chumworth is UP! #
  • due to the swine flu, this year we'll be basting the turkey with purel. can't be too careful. #
  • it's not thanksgiving until one of the kids accidentally nails me in the jewels. thanks to the 7 year old, it's now officially thanksgiving. #
  • the whole family is here! the beer has been tapped and the bird is coming along. time to put on pants, i guess. #
  • oh my – that was some feast! Thank goodness for dead birds. up next: pie! #

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November 25, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-25
  • hitting the sack soon. big day tomorrow: gotta do the thanksgiving booze run. #
  • listening to the kids get dressed for school. the 7 year old likes to announce each item as she puts it on, e.g. "socks!" funny. #
  • the kids are only at school for two hours today. time to cram in real work. #
  • RR my thanksgiving IT Underworld cartoon is up! if MS ran the BB turkey talk-line: http://tinyurl.com/ygt75dl #
  • Rio has banned the sale of coconuts on beaches because they’re an unhygienic eye-sore. It's the same reason they've banned banana hammocks. #
  • the kids are home from school already. there's no way that should count for a whole day of education. #
  • ok, i have made ALL of the jokes i ever submitted to david letterman available on my web site: http://tinyurl.com/yz85fdw #
  • the house is already awash in the smells of thanksgiving. either that or one of the kids farted. #
  • making bread for tomorrow! speaking of yeast, time for an adult beverage. #

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November 24, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-24
  • the kids are in bed! i still have the urge to bust out the champagne right about this time every night. #
  • The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this year will feature 800 clowns. It'll be the biggest collection of clowns outside of Congress. #
  • Fun Thanksgiving fact: a turkey has about 70 percent white meat and 30 percent dark meat. Wait, I'm sorry, that's a fun Sammy Sosa fact. #
  • joe lieberman needs a serious wedgie. i'm thinking one of the atomic variety. #
  • my thanksgiving IT Underworld cartoon is up! if MS ran the BB turkey talk-line: http://tinyurl.com/ygt75dl #
  • old friend coming over for dinner tonight along with his THREE DAUGHTERS (including twins). got the booze all ready for him (and me). #

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November 23, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-23
  • the bengals lost to the raiders? ha! well, something good happened today! #
  • the good news is it's a short work week. the bad news is it still starts with a monday. #
  • got another date with a medical professional this morning. good thing health care is free in this country or i'd be screwed. #
  • medical appointment over. now waiting for train to work. still living dream. #
  • note to self: commuters on the 9:44 train are fresher smelling than those on the 7:30 train. #
  • President Obama’s job approval rating is down to 48%. His approval rating is so low it's starting to affect how he pronounces "nuclear". #
  • martha stewart will be on sirius channel 112 all day wedneday. note to self: avoid sirius channel 112 on wednesday. #

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November 22, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-22
  • about to go burn wood and drink beer. what could go wrong? #
  • mmmm – beer and toasted marshmallows. #
  • sunday! inhaling coffee. #
  • making the kids clean their room (i.e. spoiling them again). #
  • time to trim the nasal hairs. #
  • the steelers are announcing their presence in KC with authority. yawn. #
  • wait a minute – i didn't make people magazine's list of the 110 sexiest men alive?! a certain someone was yanking my chain. #
  • uh, did we just lose to the chiefs? ok, so much for football season. #

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November 21, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-21
  • i like beer. #
  • funkhouser! still the funniest character on TV. #
  • time to do to the final leaf raking for the season. first i start with some pre-raking groin stretching. #

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November 20, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-20
  • here's today's schedule: attend parent-teacher conference for 10 year old, work from home, drink beer. #
  • i'm in the office upstairs trying to work, the kids are downstairs doing crafts. what could go wrong? #
  • brain about to explode again. #
  • turns out that working from home doesn't make me look forward to lunch any less than working in the office. #
  • just took the kids on a booze run. don't tell the father of the year committee. #
  • OPRAH'S IS ENDING HER TALK SHOW IN 2011!!!! CHRISTMAS HAS COME EARLY! #
  • new IT Underworld cartoon: droid vs. iphone: http://tinyurl.com/ylf4ga9 #
  • doing a little work on the old windows laptop here at home. feels like using a rotary phone. #
  • letting kids watch space chimps while they eat dinner. this'll put me back on top of father-of-the-year standings. #

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November 19, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-19
  • in honor of the three stooges i do believe i will start calling people "puddin' head" when they deserve it. #
  • the wife is out, the kids are in bed. now doing what comes naturally to a grown man alone: watching TV show on WWII. #
  • yesterday i had the kids arguing over which one would get to take of mrs chum and i in old age. my plan is coming together perfectly. #
  • some genius at MIT should invent a car that can run on boogers. i've got an endless supply. talk about a renewable energy source. #
  • i'm getting a bulletin board here at work. i love bulletin boards! i'd like to cover every wall in our house with bulletin boards. #
  • please, don't ever let me get that particular sandwich again. #
  • why is my university always hitting me up for money? it's like having an extra brother-in-law. #
  • does ibuprofen cure the pain caused by poor life choices? i think i need a double dose. #

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November 19, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-19
  • in honor of the three stooges i do believe i will start calling people "puddin' head" when they deserve it. #
  • the wife is out, the kids are in bed. now doing what comes naturally to a grown man alone: watching TV show on WWII. #
  • yesterday i had the kids arguing over which one would get to take of mrs chum and i in old age. my plan is coming together perfectly. #
  • some genius at MIT should invent a car that can run on boogers. i've got an endless supply. talk about a renewable energy source. #
  • i'm getting a bulletin board here at work. i love bulletin boards! i'd like to cover every wall in our house with bulletin boards. #
  • please, don't ever let me get that particular sandwich again. #
  • why is my university always hitting me up for money? it's like having an extra brother-in-law. #
  • does ibuprofen cure the pain caused by poor life choices? i think i need a double dose. #

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November 18, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-18
  • mrs chumworth has left me alone with the kiddos again. clearly she is desperate to get out of the house. #
  • crap, it's only wednesday. #
  • Levi Johnston will not show frontal nudity in his upcoming Playgirl photo spread. That's not surprising; it is pretty cold in Alaska. #
  • just got word that mrs chum is one again heading out tonight leaving me alone with … THEM. oh lord help me. #

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November 17, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-17
  • working on a new cartoon. one word: dongle. #
  • just attended parent-teacher conference for our 7 year old. she only got a Good – instead of Excellent – in nuclear physics. disappointing. #
  • my fellow train commuters this morning smell like a combination of moth balls and skunked booze. nice going, people. #
  • i don't know why i ever bother getting out of bed – aside from avoiding bed sores. #
  • god help me i ate another wrap for lunch today. what's happened to me? #
  • fiction should be illegal. non-fiction is where it's at. #
  • lights are out on the commuter rail. hopefully I don't get groped. #

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November 16, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-16
  • i was busy all day at a family function. how much did the steelers win by? #
  • 6:59pm: i'm ready for bed. #
  • looks like december has come early for tony romo. #
  • i hereby award pats coach bill belichick the boner of the month award for that call on 4th and 2. smooth move, exlax. #
  • mondays: proof that if there is a god he (or she) is an angry, vengeful god. bad god! #
  • President Obama arrived in Beijing today on his 1st trip to China. He says he feels right at home – surrounded by American jobs and money. #
  • RR: time for a new IT Underworld cartoon, Bing-style: http://tinyurl.com/yzrs9n2 #
  • my stomach is itchy. not sure what that means. #
  • note to self: book trip to antarctica. bring drill. and glass. http://tinyurl.com/ylgovhu #
  • the commuter train smells like a urinal cake – and not a fresh one. #

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November 15, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-15

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November 14, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-14
  • home alone with the 7 year old. i can handle this. i think. #
  • am i becoming attracted to the progressive insurance woman? no, of course not. #
  • getting new tires at BJs. the per tire price is good but you have to buy an 18 pack of them. #
  • these scrubbing bubble really do get the most stubborn grime off – and that's just on the kids. #
  • reason number 8,752 why i am indispensable around here: the ice cube trays don't fill themselves. #
  • i think mrs chumworth has run away – with the newer car, no less. #
  • <— i have assumed the position! #

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November 13, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-13
  • look at me reading popular mechanics like a real man. #
  • scratch that last message about being manly. just ate a black bean veggie burger. now feeling less manly than Chaz Bono. #
  • finally on board return flight home. beer helps pass the time. #
  • wheels down in Boston! whew. long day. shoot – gotta put the trash out when I get home. the work never ends. #
  • friday the 13th – who cares? i'm not afraid of a number. little kids – particularly mine – i'm afraid of those. but not a number. #
  • “2012” came out today. It's a movie about the end of the world – so, I guess there won't be a sequel. #
  • ok, so i remembered to bring my dongle on the work trip yesterday – but i brought the WRONG dongle. awkward! #
  • if there's a story in the news about Lake Titicaca, do i even need to bother writing a punchline? #
  • how much do i like lunch? quite a bit. #

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November 12, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-12
  • just used a semi-colon in a cartoon. probably incorrectly. i claim artistic license. #
  • just when i was ready to declare "curb your enthusiasm" dead – along comes the "black swan" episode. best episode in quite some time. #
  • ok, gotta get up early and head to the airport for my day trip to DC. time for some beauty winks. #
  • at logan airport waiting to fly to washington, use free, google-sponsored airport wifi. thanks google! #
  • reviewing @jimmyfallon's monologue from last night on airport wifi. still living dream. #
  • waiting to board flight to DC. who doesn't love being packed in a steel tube with strangers? #
  • on board the plane. thanfully, my fellow passengers looke like a non-smelly bunch. bravo people! #
  • flight departure delayed because one of the crappers is busted. not a good sign. #
  • wheels down in Dulles! no sign yet of my sweetie Michelle Obama. #
  • forgot about these shuttle things here at Dulles. still no sign of MO. she's playing hard to get. I like it. #
  • meetings over in DC. heading back to airport to try and catch earlier flight home. need beer. #
  • turns out there are no earlier flights back home, so I'm at the airport way early. looks like I'll to have to kill time at the bar. #

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November 11, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-11
  • put tabasco sauce on my eggs this morning. based on how tired i am i should've put it down my pants. #
  • quick biz trip to DC and back tomorrow. all i need are pants and my dongle and i should be good to go. #
  • time to really make some hay. not sure what that means. #
  • another sign that playing golf should be considered a capitol offense (like we need another one): http://tinyurl.com/ydjtjq9 #
  • febreze really needs to come out with a product just for commuter rail trains. #

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November 10, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-10
  • i am ready for some football – and more wine. #
  • sorry bronco fans, but i have put on my fleece football pants. you don't stand a chance. you may as well go to bed now. #
  • nothing builds a man's confidence in his football team's chances than seeing kyle orton warming up for the opposition. #steelers #
  • holy crap! brent mussberger, phyllis george and IRV CROSS on MNF! wow. i am speechless. where's jimmy the greek? #steelers #
  • one kid down. halfway to nirvana… #
  • the steelers make the big third down play; the broncos kick a field goal – total chick move. #steelers #
  • way to punt boys! #steelers #
  • 2 minutes left in the first quarter and mrs chumworth is already asleep on the couch. course, i haven't started cursing yet. #steelers #
  • KYLE ORTON!!! i LOVE him! #steelers #
  • halftime with the steelers winning! i believe i shall go powder my nose … and a few other things. #
  • all of a sudden i have gas. #steelers #
  • touchdown! my gas is gone. #steelers #
  • the steelers are announcing their presence with authority. no shock there. #steelers #
  • TOUCHDOWN!!! watch and learn from the champs, broncos. #steelers #
  • i'm officially embarrassed for the broncos. #steelers #
  • another touchdown! yawn. hines ward = winner. this game was even easier than i thought it would be. time for some winks. #steelers #
  • gotta drag the bundles of joy to school; then off to the doc for a "procedure" and THEN go to work. pinch me. #
  • the doctor came at me with a blade again. i'm starting to think she enjoys this. #
  • Sesame Street turns 40 today. You can tell the cast is getting older; today's show was brought to you by the letters A A R and P. #
  • almost time for drinks! #

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November 9, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-09
  • mrs chumworth has left me alone with the kids for the evening. what could go wrong? #
  • watching hannah montana with the girls. send help. #
  • well, this day is going to suck. #
  • i love the looks on the faces of people waiting for the train on monday morning. it's like the waiting room at a proctologist's office. #
  • time to fill out the old expense report for last week's trip to portland. looks like "full body massage" will go under "other expenses." #
  • allow me to revise my earlier statement: this day is not sucking. instead, it is blowing. #
  • 20 years ago today the Berlin Wall fell. I think we all remember where we were when we heard that news – except for Paula Abdul. #
  • home for beer, dinner, football, cartooning and – my true talents – husbanding and fathering! #

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November 8, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-08
  • big night tonight: 10 year old performs in "seussical the musical". first of five shows. wife is making me wear pants to the show. #
  • seussical the musical intermission. oldest child doing great. I sense I may be able to retire off of her talents one day. #
  • house passes health care reform bill! sweet – now i can finally take up smoking! #hcr #
  • wife and kids are out of the house so i'm doing what comes naturally to a man alone: watching football pregame shows. #
  • just rotated the mattresses – my talents never end. #
  • the 7 year old and i are going out for a treat. i suppose i'll get suckered into paying again. #
  • about to give 7 year old a major beat down in spongebob life. it'll build character. #
  • new IT Underworld cartoon posted: upgrading to 802.11n – the old school way: http://tinyurl.com/yhsq6pd #

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November 7, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-07
  • drinking beer, trying to forget about this grand jury thing. #
  • loading up on coffee in prep for leaf raking. looks cold enough out there for pants. #
  • barely survived four hours of leaf raking. now for a big dose of ibuprofen and a shower. i stink. #
  • based on the performance of the local teens who pack bags at the supermarket, i weep for our country's future. #

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November 6, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-06
  • at Portland airport having my pre-flight oatmeal. still living dream. #
  • on board Alaska airlines flight to Boston. you can almost see the swine flu in the air. #
  • let's hear it for exit row seating! lots of room for my long gams. #
  • ok, looks like we're all on board. I'm ready to be pampered, coach-class style. #
  • next tweet will be from Boston. I'm sure these next 6 hours will just zip by. #
  • wheels down in Boston! time to head home to kid craziness. #
  • so i get home from my trip to portland to find i've been summoned to jury duty – GRAND jury duty. not good. #

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November 5, 2009.
  Web Posted at: 6:00 pm UTC
Twitter Updates for 2009-11-05
  • so, i remembered to bring my dongle on this business trip, but, turns out i brought the WRONG dongle. awkward! #
  • 4:30pm here on the west coast. seems way too early for a world series game. but, what the hell. #
  • conference day over. time for beer and baseball. #
  • honestly, i don't want to sound negative but it's not looking good for the phillies. #
  • another conference meal is down the hatch. already picked out beer drinking/dinner spot for later. #
  • Portland seems like a great place. the kind of place where a man get some thinking done – possibly without pants. #
  • there should still be a game 7 in the WS tonight. sports teams should be required to play the full length of a series no matter what. #

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